Would you know an “Ass” if you saw one?

A good friend of mine whose name really is John e mailed me today – I presume because he knew I was in agreement with some of The Donald’s first comments, especially on immigration and border security. Now that he has taken to attacking a fellow Vietnam Vet/POW and started giving out people’s mobile numbers he asked me what I thought of him now. Seeing as how John and I are both from the South I sent him this reply:

Dear John,

As you know when you grow up in the south and you see an Ass (Mule for you Yankee Folks) out of its stall and tromping around in Ma’s vegetable garden Pa didn’t hesitate to take a two by four and whack the Ass upside the head. Surprisingly, the Ass didn’t run off but continued to stomp on the tomatoes. So Pa pulled out his pocket .22 he kept on him for rabbits and squirrels and trespassers and shot the Ass behind the ear putting it down.

Unlike Politics today no body has to tell you “its an Ass” because in the South everybody knows what an Ass looks like. It’s an unfortunate breeding of a male donkey and a female horse that results in really bad protruding teeth and a lot of bushy, ugly mane and tail. Nobody is going to second guess your decision to put him down because you gave him warning and he kept on being an unruly Ass. What other choice did he have?

Grandpa saw it all from his rocker on the porch. He was a wily and frugal cracker and he had the Ass bled out and cut up to thicken up the “slop” for the hogs.

I suppose there will be some city folk who will say the Ass was acting like a “moron” but really isn’t that redundant or an oxymoron – like White House Intelligence or Peace Loving Muslims?

As a man from Arkansas yourself I’m sure you would have been the first one to support the old farmer when one of those crazed animal rights, pot smoking hippies from the Commune down the road came by and asked the farmer why did you shoot the unruly Ass. The farmer of course picks up the two by four and the hippie runs off because even a pot smoking, liberal hippie from the city knows a precedent when he sees it.


PS John, I lost myself in the moment. Were you asking me about Trump or Hillary?

2 thoughts on “Would you know an “Ass” if you saw one?

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