Strap own your Blaster Pistols and get your LightSabers Ready – Star Wars VII Is Coming


Star Wars Fans Everywhere Rejoice. In just twelve and a half months (December 18, 2105) it will be time to venture into that Galaxy far, far away. As you can see from watching the official trailer below it’s time for you to look in your attics and basements and dust off your Millennium Falcon – ready your LightSabers and Blaster Pistols – and prepare to see your very OLD friend Hans Solo make some new friends.

While we can’t be sure – it seems the Galactic Empire has survived the explosion of the Death Star and the Storm Troopers are once again in the sands of planet Naboo. Its time for good children everywhere to think positive thoughts – read the “Principles of Yoda” written by Obi-Wan Kenobi and to get busy out back working on your LandSpeeders and PodRacers.

Back on Tatooine good Foster Parents like Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru try to shield their adopted son Luke from his Destiny in the Rebel Alliance where some of his friends will become pilots flying their X-1 Starfighters into certain death against the EVIL Tie Fighters and onto the Death Star itself. Luke learns he has been gifted with an over shadowing of The Force and will become a Jedi Knight – who only think good thoughts about saving innocent virgin Princesses – spend long hours in a damp cave learning mind tricks from a furry midget with pointed ears and practice for endless hours training with their personal LightSabers for an honorable death or victory in one on one LightSaber Fighting with a member of their immediate family.

Why? Because everyone knows the EVIL Sith have formed the Galactic Empire and what could be worse that an EVIL Sith Galactic Empire? What proof do we have? Their Spiritual Leader “The Emperor” and his Number Two man Darth Vader all dress in black and read books by Ron Hubbard. Their Senior Military officers wear grey flannel uniforms that itch their crotches in battle conditions resulting in their continual scowling as they go about looking to pillage the planets of the Galaxy and capture innocent virgin Princesses and enslave small and cuddly Droids like R2-D2 and C-3PO.

While the children of Tatooine are having fun with their PodRacers the dull witted among the EVIL Sith are spending endless days working out so their bodies will become shaped and perfectly formed to wear an all white plastic uniform that they only get to take off and shower once a month. No wonder they are Evil – the smell alone could turn the purest heart to stone. The elite and even more EVIL Sith who were educated on an Eastern Planet will become pilots of the Tie Fighters – officers on the Imperial Star Destroyers – or Broadcasters for the EVIL Galactic News Network (GNN) – which in headquartered on a Southern Planet.

And what of the children who have good hearts but show selfish tendencies? They will of course become Blockade Runners and be trained by Hans Solo and his faithful companion Chewbacca.

Relax, breathe, lower your Force Field and prepare your Escape Pods and soon it will be December 18, 2015.

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